That’s the title of my article in the latest issue of Portland Monthly, about the bumbling adventures of a pair of lovers from Oregon. Fentanyl, Inc. readers will recognize their names — Brandon Hubbard and Channing Lacey — from the book’s introduction. It was Hubbard who sold the fentanyl that killed 18-year-old Bailey Henke, setting off the largest fentanyl investigation in history. It’s a dark story with comic overtones, largely revolving around Lacey’s attempts to dig up a tomato-sized ball of fentanyl Hubbard hid in the backyard before going to prison.
Brandon’s favorite vegetable was a tomato, and I thought he would understand that was code. So I was trying to ask, ‘What window was the tomato out of?’ and ‘How fucking far down are the tomatoes?’ I got tired of sitting outside at night, digging up holes.